Fly used to be the first place I'd go to announce things but it has been unintentionally replaced with Instagram as my go-to for sharing projects, inspirations, sentiments, and life changes. Like the fact that I was pregnant and had a baby boy. His name is Isa James Bhur, he's going on four months and he is super wiggly, funny, and delicious.
Isa and I go for walks, read books, we cuddle, go to baby salsa, listen to NPR and go-go music and baile funk. He's my little living room dance partner, and my fika (Swedish coffee break) date when daddy is at work. We stare at each other. A lot. And while I try to telepathically figure out his needs, I imagine he's thinking, "this fool has no clue." Throughout all of this, Isa tolerates my million kisses a day.
I never imagined in a billion trillion years that I would have a child in another country, far from everything I know (like my mother did with me 30+ years ago when she left Brazil for the U.S.). And although that was the most challenging part of my pregnancy, and now child-rearing, I feel extremely blessed to have a baby in a country that respects the sacredness of motherhood and the preciousness of a child's early development and well-being. Despite the distance I am truly happy to raise Isa here.
We are only four months in and those months have flown by. As I get to know Isa, I'm getting to know a different me. Another layer of me is emerging, which is thrilling and terrifying all at once. While navigating a path so many other women have traveled for centuries, and with so much information, input, and advice I'm always trying to remember to define for myself what it means to be the mother Isa needs—simultaneously learning what it means to be this being experiencing this life in this moment.
And that's been the biggest reminder for me during this new process, truly living in the moment, which I thought I had figured out before his arrival. But now I really get it. This all happens so fast: relationships, moving, school, careers, love, joy and sadness, babies who (God willing) grow into adults. So remembering to savor every moment has been key for me.
I'm glad I've finally made the time to sit and write something here. I've been wanting to share the news on Fly for a while but between the new baby schedule and wanting to write something long and "profound" it kept getting pushed to the wayside. So with the little bit of time I've been able to carve out to write this post I realized this experience alone is "profound" enough and nothing much more really has to be said except, I had a baby.